Some days are better than others and that’s okay.
Bit stressed today as it’s been a total dole scum, should be in “Shameless”, type of day.
I went to sign on and was asked how my job search was going, to which I replied, “well you know it’s all a bit of a game because you know I’m starting my new job in September, so who’d employ me now?”
I did add, just incase they decided not to pay me, that I had applied for a variety of roles but as they were all teaching roles they’d start at the same time as the one I’d already got.
It’s just a bureaucratic dance that I have to negotiate with my consultant, or as I like to call her, my agent. She knows it’s a pointless exercise as much as I do, although she hasn’t said it.
So, I grin and bear it. It’s only temporary, after all. Still, it does make me so unnecessarily anxious. I understand why that is but I don’t know how to remain calm.
Deep breaths, and remember it is only a small part of the day.
Seems mad to me that I have to pretend to be actively seeking work when I have a job to go to. I do look at jobs on the off chance that a stupidly well-paid one screams out to me and I’m powerless to resist but that hasn’t happened yet.
Surely there’s room to differentiate and perhaps appreciate that people are in different circumstances.
I then realised that I would be in Scotland for my next dole date, so
I had to complete a form to say where I would be and for how long. There was even a question about who I would be in contact with when away! I left it blank.
How ridiculous the whole system is. I hate this required degretation, just for a few pounds a week. Much as I need a break after a very challenging year, I can’t wait to start back to work and earn money without feeling lke a beggar.
It’s been so stressful that I stopped off for a beer.
I may well have another before facing the Housing Benefit people who are yet to make contact. Rent is going out of my account tomorrow and I haven’t had any indication that they are processing my claim.
I emailed on Monday and the automated reply said to give it 14 days before following up!
This temporary situation has really made me reflect a lot upon my identity.
Isn’t it interesting how people will judge or make assumptions about who we are? I find this especially interesting because I could be labelled in so many different ways, especially in the past year; head of “outstanding” department, head of department in failing school, agency worker, teacher of music in struggling school, unemployed, writer, teacher, award winner, dole scum…add your own labels if you like…you
know what I mean. I’m sure you feel the same.
I wear a suit and people in the street assume I have money and ask for “spare” change, cigarettes, a light, a Ferrari. I wear regular casual clothes and people are almost offering me spare change. Funny how we judge a book.
UPDATE: A second beer was needed and I couldn’t face the Housing people today; it wouldn’t have made any difference if I had gone. I’ll do that on Monday when I won’t be smelling of alcohol.
I’m not that shameless.