GRIEF, HOPE, HEALING – Jack for neverblendin and the Give ’em Hope Campaign 

I posted the following request on the Give ’em Hope Campaign facebook group and page:

 Let’s talk about grief and how you got through it. Maybe you are ready to write about or even make a video for the Give ’em Hope Campaign. If you want to help others then please contact me directly.

“… The last thing a person devastated by grief needs is advice. Their world has been shattered. Inviting someone — anyone — into their world is an act of great risk. To try to fix, rationalize, or wash away their pain only deepens their terror.
Instead, the most powerful thing you can do is acknowledge. To literally say the words:
I acknowledge your pain. I’m here with you.
Note that I said with you, not for you. For implies that you’re going to do something. That’s not for you to enact. But to stand with your loved one, to suffer with them, to do everything but something is incredibly powerful. …”

Below is the first response from longtime contributor and brother, Jack:

I will share. Almost 10 years ago I lost a man I loved very much to his battle to stay sober. Dave died of a heart attack caused by smoking crack cocaine. I don’t know which was worse, the grief or the fact that I had to hide what he died of from most people because of their stupid judgments.
The first year was the roughest. Every night I would dream of him and they were nice dreams where we were together and I would wake up in the morning heartbroken all over again because the reality would hit me that he was gone.
What helped me a lot was writing about him, talking about him, remembering him… doing the things we used to do together was important. I had a Jewel album that I didn’t open because we’d listened to Jewel together but then eventually I realized if I cut everything out we did together there would be nothing left and listening to it was cathartic.
 Feeling the grief and the pain was so necessary. What was not necessary were comments like “He’s in a better place” or “I wish I was with G-d like him.” Also not necessary was the person who at his funeral felt a need to inform me, “He would never have stayed sober anyway.”
Time passes and the wounds heal somewhat and we move on with our lives, but nobody who is grieving needs to hear that. It’s important just to be present with someone in their grief and realize they loved this person.




About neverblendin

David Watters, a graduate of Napier University, Edinburgh, Trinity College of Music, London and the Institute of Education, University of London, has worked internationally within education and Educational Management for more than 20 years. He has taught extensively within many socially and culturally diverse settings; most recently as a Head of Performing Arts within Further Education. He is a personal and professional development associate with The Pacific Institute (, personal coach, freelance writer and founding member of NBI Associates. He is a writer on social equality issues, is a key player in the Equal Love Campaign UK and author of the forthcoming book, NEVER BLEND IN which features key voices from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community and which aims to inspire and encourage those who may lack self-esteem or who question their validity. David is currently promoting a youtube campaign"Give 'em Hope"and is asking individuals, couples and groups to make and share videos telling about the benefits of living with personal authenticity. He has shared a platform with Stuart Milk and Peter Tatchell and is a supporter of 17-24-30, The Trevor Project, Schools Out, The Terrence Higgins Trust, The Albert Kennedy Trust and numerous others. His background in arts and education, combined with a solid understanding of Cognitive Behavioural Strategies, and his passion for Equality Advocacy drive every aspect of his work as a personal development facilitator, motivational speaker and writer. View all posts by neverblendin

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