LOST RELATIONSHIPS -Karen Adel Scot for NEVER BLEND IN


LOST RELATIONSHIPS – Karen Adel Scot 

I was sent an email from a man who had been very close as a relative. He was a man whom I supported and loved for decades. When I came out he refused to ever again talk with me.

Out of the blue he sent me an email where he referred to the Navy as being out of touch with former naval personnel due to trying to include transgender sailers or airmen. He told me he could never share a cockpit with “a transgender.”

I love this man still.

I sent him back an email and told him it was nice to hear from him. I asked for him to please continue a dialog with me. 

His terse email reply: “No Thanks.”

I am so saddened to have such behavior from a man I looked up to and whom I have supported and loved when his own son shunned him. Now he is shunning me. 

His is a lost relationship as have been so many. 

When we transgender people transition we break many societal norms and mores that are held out of tradition and are culturally perpetuated. Gender cultural traditions based in myth and falsehood are quite powerful. I have been shunned and ostracized by so many who used to love me. Included are former friends, churched people and relatives. So many lost relationships, all with bridges burned by them and not me. 

My story is so very common. So many men and women I chat with have been rejected by those who were supposed to love them unconditionally for their entire lives. It is as if they think by punishing me for not being what they wanted me to be to them, I am somehow getting what I deserve. They deny the very essence of the teachings of Jesus whom they say they follow, and the teachings they listen to each Sunday in their churches; lessons on forgiveness and kindness. Further, I am actually seen as evil and a destroyer of their culture by so many of them. I was told I was, “Bringing the wrath of God down upon the nation” because I am transgender.

It doesn’t matter that I am finally so very happy, and am kind. It doesn’t matter that I love and care for others deeply and will be there for those who need help, loving them unconditionally. It doesn’t matter that I still love the disdaining friends, former church friends and family. 

All of the lost relationships are broken by those literally voting with their feet on being friends or family with me. They chose to dump me because they are totally uneducated that I didn’t choose this: I would never choose this. I just finally stopped faking it. I became. I was finally. I am real, correct, true, totally authentic me… The me I was born as from the womb. I am no different than a person who is color blind, or tall. I just am. 

Still, I have heartache from the shunning that continues to this day exemplified by the hurtful email from a man who was supposed to always love me. 

I take the heartache, the pain, the injury and release it. I shoot it off into the wind and remember it no more. 

I forgive them all totally.

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About neverblendin

David Watters, a graduate of Napier University, Edinburgh, Trinity College of Music, London and the Institute of Education, University of London, has worked internationally within education and Educational Management for more than 20 years. He has taught extensively within many socially and culturally diverse settings; most recently as a Head of Performing Arts within Further Education. He is a personal and professional development associate with The Pacific Institute (www.pacificinstitute.co.uk), personal coach, freelance writer and founding member of NBI Associates. He is a writer on social equality issues, is a key player in the Equal Love Campaign UK and author of the forthcoming book, NEVER BLEND IN which features key voices from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community and which aims to inspire and encourage those who may lack self-esteem or who question their validity. David is currently promoting a youtube campaign"Give 'em Hope"and is asking individuals, couples and groups to make and share videos telling about the benefits of living with personal authenticity. He has shared a platform with Stuart Milk and Peter Tatchell and is a supporter of 17-24-30, The Trevor Project, Schools Out, The Terrence Higgins Trust, The Albert Kennedy Trust and numerous others. His background in arts and education, combined with a solid understanding of Cognitive Behavioural Strategies, and his passion for Equality Advocacy drive every aspect of his work as a personal development facilitator, motivational speaker and writer. View all posts by neverblendin

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