DATING CAN BE DIFFICULT – KAREN ADELL SCOTT for neverblendin and The Give ’em Hope Campaign 

Dating men as a transgender female is such a challenge. Non-transgender males (we call you “cis-gender” which mean natal males) don’t easily and rarely get it. 

Few straight males will consider a transgender woman as anything other than a “man” posing as a woman. Nearly all consider they “become gay” if they date us. Thats not true at all! 

Men, change your thinking. We have always been girls. Always. 

Think about what you are attracted to in a female. Transgender women are all that and more. We are, in a way, super females. 

I think back to when I was courted by a Navy Seal who had been in the teams. He searched for me, according to him, for three years. He and I chatted for months online. When I visited So Cal on a trip he excitedly asked me out. We had an absolutely wonderful evening. We clicked completely. He loved the sea; I did too. He dove, I dove. He loved engines and cars; I did too. He understood combat, as did I. He loved riding Harley’s, I did too. He was a shooter, I was a shooter. He thought I was gorgeous and I thought he was handsome. He loved adventure as did I. We were fantastic together.

He asked me, after a simply amazing evening, if I would be willing to change my life and spend the rest of it with him. I said yes. 

Then… He disappeared. His “poof” disappearing act was followed by a single text: “How would this ever work out?” Meaning: “How would I ever explain you to my hypermasculine friends?” The culturally perpetuated falsehood that a transgender woman is just a “male posing as a female” was too powerful for him to oppose. 

Fear. Culturally perpetuated transphobic fear. Homomalevolent fear. Fear of being seen as gay. Fear of what other males would say if seen with me. 
Men change your thinking. 

We were NEVER MEN, but have the advantage of totally understanding you. We were never men, but understand EXACTLY how to please you. We were never men but we understand how you think. 

We have great endurance, deep romantic drives, amazing loyalty and profound commitment. We are often youthful physically and retain tremendous energy and physical ability even into old age. We are super females. 

Change your thinking. Get to know us. Learn how amazing we really are. Love us and experience life and love beyond what you ever imagined it could be. 

Date super women. Date amazing women. Date transgender women. 

We simply rock, baby.
[Now for you transgender men and women: Be happy as authentic you. We do not take our value by if we are loved or not by any other person. We are infinitely valuable. If you are lonely (as many of us are) volunteer to help others. Caring for others is a balm for a lonely heart. Help at a shelter, an ASPCA, a food bank, or an LGBT center. Help people online. Do TransCare and help with transitions. This assuages loneliness and helps the heart, for in giving you also get. Above all, interact with others, even if only online.]

I may not be loved by a special partner, but I love me for I am special. ❤


About neverblendin

David Watters, a graduate of Napier University, Edinburgh, Trinity College of Music, London and the Institute of Education, University of London, has worked internationally within education and Educational Management for more than 20 years. He has taught extensively within many socially and culturally diverse settings; most recently as a Head of Performing Arts within Further Education. He is a personal and professional development associate with The Pacific Institute (, personal coach, freelance writer and founding member of NBI Associates. He is a writer on social equality issues, is a key player in the Equal Love Campaign UK and author of the forthcoming book, NEVER BLEND IN which features key voices from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community and which aims to inspire and encourage those who may lack self-esteem or who question their validity. David is currently promoting a youtube campaign"Give 'em Hope"and is asking individuals, couples and groups to make and share videos telling about the benefits of living with personal authenticity. He has shared a platform with Stuart Milk and Peter Tatchell and is a supporter of 17-24-30, The Trevor Project, Schools Out, The Terrence Higgins Trust, The Albert Kennedy Trust and numerous others. His background in arts and education, combined with a solid understanding of Cognitive Behavioural Strategies, and his passion for Equality Advocacy drive every aspect of his work as a personal development facilitator, motivational speaker and writer. View all posts by neverblendin

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