The Second Closet – Tymm Stewart Rogers Zeleny for neverblendin



I just read an article that fascinated me. It fascinated me because it hit home. I never was able to actually clarify what I see time and again in my circle of friends, acquaintances, and associates within the LGBTQ Community.


I have something to say about “The Second Closet” as the writer of the article calls it…


I am told, time and time again, that I have points off my “Gay Card” because…


I was married and have a daughter…(bi, that means I’m bi)


Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli, Cher, Adele, Taylor Swift, and, yes, even, Madonna are sort of “meh” to me.


Musicals are fun and I like them, but I don’t live for them.


I enjoy camping… outside… in a tent… In the woods…


I DON’T go to the gym for Abs Day, Arm Day, Leg Day, Intense Full Body Workout Day, Spin Class, Hot Yoga, and Freestyle Workout Day…thus, I don’t have a hard body.


I’m over 50.


I can work outside building houses, felling trees, mucking a barn, chopping firewood, etc., and…LIKE IT!!!




I still have some of my points because I think Bette Midler is the Shit!!!


I’m, at least, a sci-fi buff and love Steel Magnolias, To Wong Fu, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Hairspray, and Harry Potter (when did that become a “gay thing” anyway?).


I’m very comfortable in a five star restaurant.


I’m a hairstylist, so, I’m, at least, perpetuating one of the stereotypes.


I cook, clean, plan fabulous dinner parties, and decorate the house.


As for having been married, being over 50, and over weight and under toned…there is not a single remedy that will restore those points on my Gay Card. The gay gods are very strict on this.


Look…I’m a cis gender male who loves men and is MORE than sexually, emotionally, and physically fulfilled by another man.


At my age, it isn’t easy. With my past, it is Damn near impossible. My likes and dislikes keep everyone away.


That…and I’m VERY vocal of my thoughts toward the over-the-top, prancy, giggly twink queens who, when NOT in public actually behave with decorum. Ugh!


Don’t misunderstand…I flame out and, even, jokingly, have “taken points away” now and again.


We are more than butch lesbians and fem gay men. We are more than musicals and Madonna. We are more than just seeing who could out-flame whom.


Why do we have to aspire to be the stereotype? Why does the LGBTQ culture seem to end at white cis gender men and women who are attracted to the same gender? (As long as they are able bodied and work out 8 times a week.)


The rainbow seems fairly dull and color blind with all the exclusivity under its banner.


So many live in, yet, another closet because of how they live their lives. The straight world wants us to conform to THEIR worldview. Then we come out and the LGBTQ Community seems to have its own set of pre-existing dogmas by which we must live…pushing us yet into another Closet of Conformity.


We have our “labels” within the predominately cis gender (particularly male) culture…




Drag queens





Trans (horrifically and offensively: trannies)

Daddies (typically you ONLY qualify if you’re independently wealthy)


But, those are simply labels. Even within each of arching label there are vast differences in tastes, lifestyle, beliefs, and attitudes.


Maybe it’s time to forget the homogenization of the Rainbow and TRULY find the beauty in its diversity.


There are those like me who identify as cis male. There are cis women. And…we’re okay!


There are those born women who identify as male, and vice versa.


There are those who cannot explain where they are on the “Gender Spectrum” (which I believe describes it PERFECTLY) and identify as non-binary. (For those of you who don’t get it…identifying with neither, or both prominent genders, certainly not completely adhering to the social constructs of either…back in my day, we called it androgeny…but, today’s non-binary is SO much more human and real, less theater and shock and awe)


We tend to shut out even our staunchest straight allies, many of whom are more comfortable in the midst of gay companions than with straight. Some may even be non-binary. One does not have to be cis to be attracted to only one gender…of course, I know there’s a logical argument to that, and I get that. But doesn’t the “logical argument” counteract the fact of this post altogether?


Humanity is fluid. Individuals are not made out of the same flavor of cookie dough and cut with the same cutter. We are more than colors of the rainbow. We are MUCH more than Female/Male, Straight/Gay, Trans/Cis.


I say we burst open the LGBTQ closet and allow EVERYONE in our Community to always be a voice. Let’s not assume it’s all about butch lesbians, fem gays, them cawayzee biSEKshuls, and Trans folks.


Let’s embrace the QUEER in our Community! ALL. OF. IT…Even the Queer within ourselves.


About neverblendin

David Watters, a graduate of Napier University, Edinburgh, Trinity College of Music, London and the Institute of Education, University of London, has worked internationally within education and Educational Management for more than 20 years. He has taught extensively within many socially and culturally diverse settings; most recently as a Head of Performing Arts within Further Education. He is a personal and professional development associate with The Pacific Institute (, personal coach, freelance writer and founding member of NBI Associates. He is a writer on social equality issues, is a key player in the Equal Love Campaign UK and author of the forthcoming book, NEVER BLEND IN which features key voices from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community and which aims to inspire and encourage those who may lack self-esteem or who question their validity. David is currently promoting a youtube campaign"Give 'em Hope"and is asking individuals, couples and groups to make and share videos telling about the benefits of living with personal authenticity. He has shared a platform with Stuart Milk and Peter Tatchell and is a supporter of 17-24-30, The Trevor Project, Schools Out, The Terrence Higgins Trust, The Albert Kennedy Trust and numerous others. His background in arts and education, combined with a solid understanding of Cognitive Behavioural Strategies, and his passion for Equality Advocacy drive every aspect of his work as a personal development facilitator, motivational speaker and writer. View all posts by neverblendin

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