Untitled – Jay DeVita


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Jay DeVita is a young writer who contacted me, some time ago, for some advice about writing. It is always an honour to feel that I can be of any support to others, especially when it comes to developing their creativity.   I am thrilled to be able to share this first piece with you today. Please feel free to like and share….EVERYWHERE. 

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I may just be a kid with little to say and much less to do

But God have mercy on me, one day this kid will have something to say

But for now, my attempts at socializing are met with an endless row of cold shoulders

An army of people marching past, each averted stare feels like another wound on the ever growing list of scars

I don’t understand, I just want a friend in the world.

No, among the things God gave me, ability to connect with human beings isn’t one of them

He decided to leave me out of the choir room, gave me a trumpet that was missing a mouthpiece and said “make do with that”

And people are surprised when I try to.

In class, my hand raises confidently and Mr. Sultini picked me — he picked me — to analyze that moment, you know, that one moment in the story when the main character finally gets to make his big break. For whatever reason I stand up and open my mouth and my words are there, but they sit just outside of my reach, dangling off a cliff face that taunts me, and I reach again, I stumble and fall, words still hanging on the edge as I cascade down to nothingness. I stand there, silent, and Mr. Sultini waits for me to procure the words but I’ve already fallen, like nothing went to plan.

But the Lord’s plan is beyond me when there are seven billion people telling me that I should live by their rules

So I play my part, stand up straight, eyes forward, speak when spoken too and always be ready to go on the defensive, smile when you see someone, a good carefully maintained emotional mask to make the pain go away. But every once in awhile the mask breaks. And my voice busts out from behind the trumpet like an uncaged wild bird, singing a discordant hymn to fly over the borders of other people’s songs.

Shouting over the war-torn fields of old friendships.

Yet some people would rather see me caged, silent, to quiet The one beautiful perfect note that was wholly my own

Silenced.

My final chance at being something *anything* gone in a cloud of dust

I screamed into the void

And no one answered

They seldom do.

And I’m left alone in the dark

But when someone does answer it feels like a thousand fireworks lighting up the sky all at once

A flash of lightning

Everything is illuminated clear as day!

But something goes wrong

Something *always* goes wrong

Like that time when my friend and I were having conversation about something, and I did my best to string the words together, but I don’t see them anymore

Reality breaks and a new fight begins

Something tells me to pick myself and fight

The war goes on for a week or so before I put the knife down

Hoping this time is the last time

That next time I’ll know what to say, what to do, how to act.

Old habits come back, and I spend another night by the sink with an old toxic friend

I leave her where she stands

I wash the blood off and try again

And again

And again

And again.

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About neverblendin

David Watters, a graduate of Napier University, Edinburgh, Trinity College of Music, London and the Institute of Education, University of London, has worked internationally within education and Educational Management for more than 20 years. He has taught extensively within many socially and culturally diverse settings; most recently as a Head of Performing Arts within Further Education. He is a personal and professional development associate with The Pacific Institute (www.pacificinstitute.co.uk), personal coach, freelance writer and founding member of NBI Associates. He is a writer on social equality issues, is a key player in the Equal Love Campaign UK and author of the forthcoming book, NEVER BLEND IN which features key voices from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community and which aims to inspire and encourage those who may lack self-esteem or who question their validity. David is currently promoting a youtube campaign"Give 'em Hope"and is asking individuals, couples and groups to make and share videos telling about the benefits of living with personal authenticity. He has shared a platform with Stuart Milk and Peter Tatchell and is a supporter of 17-24-30, The Trevor Project, Schools Out, The Terrence Higgins Trust, The Albert Kennedy Trust and numerous others. His background in arts and education, combined with a solid understanding of Cognitive Behavioural Strategies, and his passion for Equality Advocacy drive every aspect of his work as a personal development facilitator, motivational speaker and writer. View all posts by neverblendin

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