Author Archives: neverblendin

About neverblendin

David Watters, a graduate of Napier University, Edinburgh, Trinity College of Music, London and the Institute of Education, University of London, has worked internationally within education and Educational Management for more than 20 years. He has taught extensively within many socially and culturally diverse settings; most recently as a Head of Performing Arts within Further Education. He is a personal and professional development associate with The Pacific Institute (www.pacificinstitute.co.uk), personal coach, freelance writer and founding member of NBI Associates. He is a writer on social equality issues, is a key player in the Equal Love Campaign UK and author of the forthcoming book, NEVER BLEND IN which features key voices from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community and which aims to inspire and encourage those who may lack self-esteem or who question their validity. David is currently promoting a youtube campaign"Give 'em Hope"and is asking individuals, couples and groups to make and share videos telling about the benefits of living with personal authenticity. He has shared a platform with Stuart Milk and Peter Tatchell and is a supporter of 17-24-30, The Trevor Project, Schools Out, The Terrence Higgins Trust, The Albert Kennedy Trust and numerous others. His background in arts and education, combined with a solid understanding of Cognitive Behavioural Strategies, and his passion for Equality Advocacy drive every aspect of his work as a personal development facilitator, motivational speaker and writer.

The Bitter-Sweet Relevance of HAiR – The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical



HAiR – The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical

Great Star Theater

636 Jackson Street

San Francisco, CA 94133

United States


I saw this show with friends last Friday and want to thank the production manager, Richard Gutierrez, and his talented company for a moving, magical and memorable evening. I loved the energy and commitment of the ensemble. There was genuine joy and enthusiasm from each and every cast member. Great solo performances (I won’t single any one out). Costuming and lighting were stunning, choreography was perfect, use of space including audience interaction was genius and the band were solid. 


It is bitter-sweet that the show retains its relevance and this timely production served as a reminder that we have work to do when it comes to making our world a more compassionate one. 


Congratulations to all for the well deserved nightly standing ovations. 


Get your tickets here for this extraordinarily exhilarating evening of entertainment: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hair-the-american-tribal-love-rock-musical-tickets-35712873165


My new improved NEVER BLEND IN tattoo by Bulldog Tattoo SF



My new improved NEVER BLEND IN tattoo.


Bulldog Tattoo and, in particular, Gauge was recommended to me by a few friends and I am so glad I listened to their advice.


 I had a faded and unfinished tattoo which was based on the HARVEY MILK quote, Never Blend In, and I wanted this to be enhanced when in SF. 


Bulldog Tattoo SF

http://bulldogtattoosf.com/shop.htm

Gauge listened to what I wanted and responded with such creativity and sensitivity. The atmosphere at BULLDOG is as every reviewer describes; vibrant, relaxed, friendly, welcoming and inclusive. All staff there showed interest in the tattoo as it progressed and were positive about the design. They were friendly and chatty, making the entire experience an absolute joy. I am thrilled with the finished result and would recommend Gauge to anyone wanting a tattoo in the Bay Area. I can’t begin to express my gratitude but I hope my face expressed my utter joy. 


Thank you for a memorable and magical experience. David E Watters


Best President we Ever Had – Tymm Stewart Rogers Zeleny for neverblendin


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“If you don’t want people to be angry and say hateful things to you, maybe you shouldn’t be so combative.”

“Why are you so bitter? You’ve never been physically assaulted.”

“Stop with the treasonous hate speak toward our President…the best one we’ve EVER had.”

Yeah…statements and others like these have been tossed my way. I don’t know whether to scream, laugh, or give them a good dose of historic reality. Maybe a little of all.

The problem? The truth could reach up and slap them in their pie holes and they’d deny it. If Hair Furor said the night sky is salmon pink with eggplant purple stars, chartreuse moon, and burnt orange clouds, these cro-magnon mouth breathers would believe it and one would be wasting one’s breath to convince them otherwise.

So…why am I angry? The same reason you all are. I’m at my wits’ end watching the devolution of society from almost 60 years of progress, despite a lot of that being fought by the regressive GOP.

I will speak, mostly, experientally.

I get the privilege, on a daily basis, of hearing that, as a gay man, I have little to no right to have rights. Because…Jesus. In whom I have no belief, yet, agree with the teachings attributed to him.

I get to endure comments that I should be happy that I don’t live in a Muslim country where I could be thrown off the roof of a tall building. Instead, I get to live in the Land of the Free where I can live very happily…more so if I conform to *19%* of the Nation’s religious zealots working toward a Christian Sharia State, and simply marry a woman and deny who I am.

I get to watch as my rights are threatened daily by an idiot who can barely string four comprehensive words together. If not him, then any number of his homophobic, thoughtless, brainless sycophants who believe it is their personal mission from the Great Genie in the Sky to force everyone into living THEIR. LIFE. CHOICE.

I got to live through that idiot reality tv actor consistently accuse President Obama of being a Kenyan born Muslim, hellbent on destroying the Constitution he swore to uphold and knows better than most having graduated summa cum laude from Harvard’s Constitutional Law program for EIGHT. FUCKING. YEARS.

So…when I refute idiocy and hate and disdain I am simply responding in kind. Or…I’m speaking out of frustration at the helplessness I feel at the 180° turn our once-great nation is making.

These wastes of carbon-based lifeforms are systematically reversing every bit of progress ever made. They are NOT “making America great  again’. They are making America grate against every bit of progressive world leadership. They are creating a hostile world environment that will thrust us into economic, environmental, and evolutionary collapse.

There is much about which to be angry.

I point now to the example of their own supposed Lord and Savior as he was allegedly going through the Temple watching the money-changers take advantage of the poor in the temple. It is written that Jesus made a whip of cords and overturned their tables and chased them out. Saying they were defiling the very House of G-d. It is written that Jesus called the religious leaders of the day “…hypocrites, den of vipers, white washed sepulchres filled with dead men’s bones. The children of their father, Satan, the father of lies…”

If their Lord and Savior endured no hypocrisy and hate, why should we? Especially from those VERY FEW who claim to follow him and the teachings attributed to him?


Untitled – Jay DeVita


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Jay DeVita is a young writer who contacted me, some time ago, for some advice about writing. It is always an honour to feel that I can be of any support to others, especially when it comes to developing their creativity.   I am thrilled to be able to share this first piece with you today. Please feel free to like and share….EVERYWHERE. 

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I may just be a kid with little to say and much less to do

But God have mercy on me, one day this kid will have something to say

But for now, my attempts at socializing are met with an endless row of cold shoulders

An army of people marching past, each averted stare feels like another wound on the ever growing list of scars

I don’t understand, I just want a friend in the world.

No, among the things God gave me, ability to connect with human beings isn’t one of them

He decided to leave me out of the choir room, gave me a trumpet that was missing a mouthpiece and said “make do with that”

And people are surprised when I try to.

In class, my hand raises confidently and Mr. Sultini picked me — he picked me — to analyze that moment, you know, that one moment in the story when the main character finally gets to make his big break. For whatever reason I stand up and open my mouth and my words are there, but they sit just outside of my reach, dangling off a cliff face that taunts me, and I reach again, I stumble and fall, words still hanging on the edge as I cascade down to nothingness. I stand there, silent, and Mr. Sultini waits for me to procure the words but I’ve already fallen, like nothing went to plan.

But the Lord’s plan is beyond me when there are seven billion people telling me that I should live by their rules

So I play my part, stand up straight, eyes forward, speak when spoken too and always be ready to go on the defensive, smile when you see someone, a good carefully maintained emotional mask to make the pain go away. But every once in awhile the mask breaks. And my voice busts out from behind the trumpet like an uncaged wild bird, singing a discordant hymn to fly over the borders of other people’s songs.

Shouting over the war-torn fields of old friendships.

Yet some people would rather see me caged, silent, to quiet The one beautiful perfect note that was wholly my own

Silenced.

My final chance at being something *anything* gone in a cloud of dust

I screamed into the void

And no one answered

They seldom do.

And I’m left alone in the dark

But when someone does answer it feels like a thousand fireworks lighting up the sky all at once

A flash of lightning

Everything is illuminated clear as day!

But something goes wrong

Something *always* goes wrong

Like that time when my friend and I were having conversation about something, and I did my best to string the words together, but I don’t see them anymore

Reality breaks and a new fight begins

Something tells me to pick myself and fight

The war goes on for a week or so before I put the knife down

Hoping this time is the last time

That next time I’ll know what to say, what to do, how to act.

Old habits come back, and I spend another night by the sink with an old toxic friend

I leave her where she stands

I wash the blood off and try again

And again

And again

And again.


The Second Closet – Tymm Stewart Rogers Zeleny for neverblendin


 

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I just read an article that fascinated me. It fascinated me because it hit home. I never was able to actually clarify what I see time and again in my circle of friends, acquaintances, and associates within the LGBTQ Community.

 

I have something to say about “The Second Closet” as the writer of the article calls it…

 

I am told, time and time again, that I have points off my “Gay Card” because…

 

I was married and have a daughter…(bi, that means I’m bi)

 

Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli, Cher, Adele, Taylor Swift, and, yes, even, Madonna are sort of “meh” to me.

 

Musicals are fun and I like them, but I don’t live for them.

 

I enjoy camping… outside… in a tent… In the woods…

 

I DON’T go to the gym for Abs Day, Arm Day, Leg Day, Intense Full Body Workout Day, Spin Class, Hot Yoga, and Freestyle Workout Day…thus, I don’t have a hard body.

 

I’m over 50.

 

I can work outside building houses, felling trees, mucking a barn, chopping firewood, etc., and…LIKE IT!!!

 

BUUUUT…

 

I still have some of my points because I think Bette Midler is the Shit!!!

 

I’m, at least, a sci-fi buff and love Steel Magnolias, To Wong Fu, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Hairspray, and Harry Potter (when did that become a “gay thing” anyway?).

 

I’m very comfortable in a five star restaurant.

 

I’m a hairstylist, so, I’m, at least, perpetuating one of the stereotypes.

 

I cook, clean, plan fabulous dinner parties, and decorate the house.

 

As for having been married, being over 50, and over weight and under toned…there is not a single remedy that will restore those points on my Gay Card. The gay gods are very strict on this.

 

Look…I’m a cis gender male who loves men and is MORE than sexually, emotionally, and physically fulfilled by another man.

 

At my age, it isn’t easy. With my past, it is Damn near impossible. My likes and dislikes keep everyone away.

 

That…and I’m VERY vocal of my thoughts toward the over-the-top, prancy, giggly twink queens who, when NOT in public actually behave with decorum. Ugh!

 

Don’t misunderstand…I flame out and, even, jokingly, have “taken points away” now and again.

 

We are more than butch lesbians and fem gay men. We are more than musicals and Madonna. We are more than just seeing who could out-flame whom.

 

Why do we have to aspire to be the stereotype? Why does the LGBTQ culture seem to end at white cis gender men and women who are attracted to the same gender? (As long as they are able bodied and work out 8 times a week.)

 

The rainbow seems fairly dull and color blind with all the exclusivity under its banner.

 

So many live in, yet, another closet because of how they live their lives. The straight world wants us to conform to THEIR worldview. Then we come out and the LGBTQ Community seems to have its own set of pre-existing dogmas by which we must live…pushing us yet into another Closet of Conformity.

 

We have our “labels” within the predominately cis gender (particularly male) culture…

 

Fem

Butch

Drag queens

Leather

Twinks

Bears

Jocks

Trans (horrifically and offensively: trannies)

Daddies (typically you ONLY qualify if you’re independently wealthy)

 

But, those are simply labels. Even within each of arching label there are vast differences in tastes, lifestyle, beliefs, and attitudes.

 

Maybe it’s time to forget the homogenization of the Rainbow and TRULY find the beauty in its diversity.

 

There are those like me who identify as cis male. There are cis women. And…we’re okay!

 

There are those born women who identify as male, and vice versa.

 

There are those who cannot explain where they are on the “Gender Spectrum” (which I believe describes it PERFECTLY) and identify as non-binary. (For those of you who don’t get it…identifying with neither, or both prominent genders, certainly not completely adhering to the social constructs of either…back in my day, we called it androgeny…but, today’s non-binary is SO much more human and real, less theater and shock and awe)

 

We tend to shut out even our staunchest straight allies, many of whom are more comfortable in the midst of gay companions than with straight. Some may even be non-binary. One does not have to be cis to be attracted to only one gender…of course, I know there’s a logical argument to that, and I get that. But doesn’t the “logical argument” counteract the fact of this post altogether?

 

Humanity is fluid. Individuals are not made out of the same flavor of cookie dough and cut with the same cutter. We are more than colors of the rainbow. We are MUCH more than Female/Male, Straight/Gay, Trans/Cis.

 

I say we burst open the LGBTQ closet and allow EVERYONE in our Community to always be a voice. Let’s not assume it’s all about butch lesbians, fem gays, them cawayzee biSEKshuls, and Trans folks.

 

Let’s embrace the QUEER in our Community! ALL. OF. IT…Even the Queer within ourselves.


MISGENDERING – Karen Adell Scott for neverblendin and the Give ’em Hope Campaign


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Actress Laverne Cox correctly labeled misgendering as an act of violence toward transgender people. ‘Clocking’ is the act of determining that a person before you is perceivably, in your judgement, not the gender they are presenting, compelling you misgender them as the gender YOU CHOOSE them to be. Getting ‘clocked’ is a descriptive colloquialism used by transgender people referring to having others accidentally or on purpose gender a transgender woman as a man, a transgender man as a woman, or a gender fluid person incorrectly. 

To ‘clock’ is: “To realise, to catch on, to notice.” Clocking can lead to attack, sexual assault, rape or violent murder. The danger of attack at being ‘clocked’ is why transgender people seek to ‘pass’ as their true gender and become invisible. Passing is an unfortunately necessary life-saving, danger-avoidance behavior in our pervasive transmalevolent culture. Being clocked and misgendered often causes intense fear in a transgender person. It may also cause tremendous emotional pain. 

Science shows that transgender people are born with a normal but rare birth difference. In little boy bodies the brain is not washed with enough androgens to result in male gender formation and in little girl bodies the brain is washed with a large amount of androgens, resulting in a transgender boy being born. Partial washing results in gender fluid babies being born. Being transgender is no different than being tall, short, having beautiful brown skin, or being blue eyed; just more rare. 

Transgender men and women who go through for them, the wrong puberty, deal with the poisonous effects of the wrong hormones causing physical changes in their bodies that do not match the true gender of their brain. Transgender men may have no facial or male-pattern body hair, unwanted breasts, small hands, wider hips, female fat distribution and smaller stature. Transgender women are often tall, have heavy, sturdy skeletons, with masculine traits like a strong jaw, thick brow bossing, large hands and feet, male fat distribution, thinner hips, thicker waists, and testosterone-caused low voices that are difficult to alter to a proper female pitch. These unwanted conditions cause those who look at all human beings as being supposed to follow a culturally perpetuated physical norm to misgender us. 

Being misgendered as the wrong gender is tremendously painful to human beings who absolutely know they are not the assigned birth gender selected by the presence or absence of the single SRY gene, or other cause of being transgender. We try so hard for our authenticity only to be clocked and misgendered despite all our hard work to pass as our real selves. 

Add to the pain it happening nearly every day for some of us dealing with more of the wrong features due to the hormonal poisoning, and you can see the vast pain it causes. We try and try, only to be still failing at presenting as who we really are. Our sometimes inaccurate presentation due to our birth difference makes us a targets for often constant pain and danger. The pain, targeting, endangering and rejection we experience due to misgendering violence result in huge rates of suicidal iteration and tremendously high attack, assault and murder rates of transgender people. 

As my transition has progressed now for my fourth year, I experience misgendering less often, but it happens, especially where I used to present as a false male.  Previous knowledge amplifies the misgendering no matter how feminine I may appear. My hands are large, I am 5’10’, have broad shoulders, and my voice is way too low. Being a teacher who has to talk loudly for a living, it is very hard for me to have a chance to consciously think about my voice working higher. Today was a misgendering day. 

I was helping a man roll a banner at a Film Maker’ Alliance meeting tonight. He was an actor I cast in a previous film when I presented as a male. When we were chatting while rolling the banner he addressed me as, “yes SIR” after responding to a comment. 

It was loud and, I believe accidental. The root of this is caused by the fact he still thinks incorrectly of me as the man he used to know. It still hurt terribly. 

I use being clocked and misgendered as a teachable moment. Each transgender person is an ambassador for all of us. Many of the people who accidentally misgender us after clocking us have interacted with few or no transgender people in their lives. They are not acting with malice. 

When misgendered, I assess motive immediately. 

If I become angry and behave with that anger toward them I will effect their perception of all transgender people inaccurately. I may cause an accidentally misgendering person to become permanently transmalevolent. We do not need more of those people, assuredly. 

Seeing he accidentally misgendered me, I told him I was a female and that he needs to change his thinking. I pointed to the other women in the room and asked him, “Would you address any of these women as ‘sir?” He said no. I then calmly explained to him the pain and hurt being misgendered as male when actually female may cause any woman, and told him that my being a transgender woman made being misgendered very hurtful. I explained to him that to someone like me it is about the worst thing he could do.

I then dropped the subject, smiled and changed the conversation. 

Immediate demonstration of the total unacceptability of misgendering is necessary in all cases where we are not in immediate danger. Responding with calm, kind educational purpose is often the best way. 

There are other motives though, and clocking can be done with vehemence and purpose to push a politically transmalevolent point of view. 

When I came out, FOX News’ Tucker Carlson’s “The Daily Caller” website wrote an article on me where they impugned my true gender throughout the entire article, questioned my own personal comments, and clocked me with malignant purpose. The Daily Caller, and other organizations like them, seek to push the falsehood, or the culturally believed and perpetuated lie that there is, “no such thing as a transgender person,” by consistently misgendering all transgender people. Those who misgender with malignant purpose must be treated as the bigoted transmalevolent miscreants they are. 

Lavern Cox stated it well: Misgendering is violence. It can be small, accidental violence or purposeful cultural warfare against the reality of all transgender people, like done by The Daily Caller. All kind and thoughtful people need to be consistent in speaking against this behavior and helping change the culture to accept the normal humanity of transgender people, regardless of their ability to look like accepted phony norms of their presenting gender or not. Interestingly enough, when Lavern Cox made that statement, The Daily Caller, true to their consistent, bigoted form, called her “Mr. Cox” as they addressed her statement. 

I posted the misgendering story from the Daily Caller back when I was first coming out. Their reporting was so bad that GLAAD called it the example of, “…how NOT to write about a transgender person,” resulting in many articles attacking the Caller as the transmalevolent, bigoted, hateful organization they are. 

We ALL may be misgendered, no matter how well we pass. It’s knowing that we are still truly the gender we are, and choosing education and peace that will move us all to a day when this never happens again. 

Take heart, we may not live to see it, but that day will surely come.


Trust in Me – Celebrity Auction for #THT


How exciting, I have sold 5 signed celebrity items on ebay already to raise funds for TERRENCE HIGGINS TRUST! More items scheduled soon. Money will be transferred to savings account until everything is sold but I’m on it all summer! My seller ID is: neverblendin 


Terrence Higgins Trust is a British Charity that campaigns on and provides services relating to HIV and sexual health. In particular, the charity aims to end the transmission of HIV in the UK; to support and empower people living with HIV; to eradicate stigma and discrimination around HIV; and to promote good sexual health (including safe sex).


The Trust is generally considered the UK’s leading HIV and AIDS charity, and the largest in Europe. It is also the lead organisation for Public Health England’s HIV prevention partnership HIV Prevention England.


Visit their website here: www.tht.org.uk/

Some of the items due to be auctioned include these…


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